Monday, October 22, 2012
I’ve always used music to get through breakups. Writing more than listening. The passive nature of listening frames the memories in context, and I find I cope better when I’m expressing current feelings rather than focusing on old ones. I don’t write “happy” well, and I’ve always worried that my natural inclination of writing songs about girls would paint me as being sadder than I really am. Or worse, angry. Writing music is just how I deal with the times when I do feel that way.
It happens sometimes that a relationship doesn’t go the way you want it to. The battle between the romantic and the pragmatist in me rages on, and the casualty is almost always time. Of course I believe there are always more stories to be told and more adventures to be had, but the truth is that I’m still recovering from one particular breakup, and I probably always will be. I’m okay with that. If anything, the failing of certainty has given me the freedom to chase life a little more.
It’s natural to romanticize the past. It happened, and we can look back through the eyes of experience and think about what was and what could have been without having to take any risks. Nostalgia, I think, is wanting to hear the questions again after you know the answers. What’s harder for me is to be objective about where things went wrong and to forgive my own mistakes. I end up wondering: Would I be better off believing that everything was perfect, even if it means never really moving on?